giving up [lina]

[PILOT URI FERGUSON]

He was tired.

His bones ached.

And he looked like shit.

The last thing he wanted to deal with was Angelina sleeping around. He thought they were over that speed bump, that everything was fine and the only thing causing tension was him and his damn disease. He wished it would go away already so he could go back to his life. Hell, he got off the drugs and specifically tried to get better- focusing on doctor visits, taking his medication, taking all the necessary precautions to make sure he got better but it all seemed to be in vain. The day he overheard his ex assistant mention Angelina sleeping with Shane at some party or other recently, he fired her and then proceeded to finding out through his doctor later that day that the leukemia was progressing. He refused, however, to get chemotherapy. It wasn't about the hair loss. It wasn't about the weakness he would feel afterward. He'd seen his grandfather go through it and he felt it was pointless. He died alone in the damned hospital from stomach cancer.Chemo didn't save his life. Chemo wouldn't save Pilot's.

So now he stood on the Brooklyn Bridge, his hands firmly gripping the railing as he looked out at the rushing water below. He had this unmoving nerve to fling himself over it and land head first in the cold waters. It was winter and all he wore was a simple white tee shirt, jeans, and some chuck taylors. His attire was far from appropriate but his butler couldn't hold him back from running out of the apartment in such a frustrated manner. He wanted to disappear for a little while and then maybe Angelina would just....stop. He saw in that gossip magazine that she cut her hair and she looked amazing, breathtaking even, and he wouldn't be surprised if the rest of the population thought so as well. He was never particularly a jealous person-not an outright jealous person but sometimes he was pushed to his limits...

The past few months he'd been tipping ever so slowly over his breaking point and he was waiting for it; waiting for the inevitable plummet into darkness that would bring out his ugly and violent side even he had never seen before but knew all about. It was almost like an animal instinct to have such a side to one's personality but he had taken careful consideration and decided against ever letting it show its ugly head. So standing there, his mind wandered on and on into oblivion as people walked on by. It was early, around six in the morning, and it was full of commuters. He knew he looked horrible, his freckles a bit more prominent on his now insanely pale skin tone and his hair losing its usual shine. It was what happened when you are sick: you look it. Letting his head fall, he closed his eyes and used the railing to keep him steady while ginger locks covered his face. This wasn't how it was suppose to go. He was supposed to get better and he was only getting worse and he could feel his body getting worse.

Maybe it was the city-he just needed to get away from everyone and everything. Stress apparently had a factor in everything and if he wasn't stressing about something, he was stressing about not being able to stress about that something. But before he left, he'd talk to Angelina, tell her she was free to do whatever she wanted now, and that she wouldn't have to worry about him anymore. This was just one of those battles he had to absolutely take care of on his own.

---

ANGELINA

[ANGELINA MAE DAVIDSON]

Unsure of what was even going on she listened quietly.

A few moments ago her phone had started buzzing off the hook. First, her house phone was ringing uncontrollably, and when her mother answered, silence. After her mother hung up the phone, Mason's phone rang crazily, but he was passed out from the night before so it was ignored. Angelina was the last resort. The last call. Pilot's butler spoke quietly and slowly on the other line. When she had answered the butler simply told her to shut up and listen. As much as I and the house maids despise you, Pilot needs help was all he had to say. Angelina hung up the phone and threw it on her bed.

She was not taking it with her, there was no point. She knew Pilot didnt have his, so why call? And she didnt want to be interrupted. Not hesitating in wasting time she simply walked out the door in her clothes. A pair of skinny jeans, grey boots and a grey shirt. She ran outside to her car and started the engine. Trying to think of the spots that she knew Pilot would run to to escape. Not wasting any time, she backed out and sped off in search for him.

After about an hour of failed searching she headed towards te Brooklyn Bridge. It was her last resort, his last resort. She was worried. Would Pilot actually ever kill himself? Sh had known that recently rumors of her sleeping with Shane a few weeks ago surfaced, but she didnt mean anything by it. It was drunken sex, an item that she now regretted. As she drove she felt her eyes fill with tears and she started to cry. She was a fuck up. She was the reason why he was sick, she was the reason why he ran off and she was the reason why he was always hurting.

As she was driving on the bridge she spotted a hair of red. Slamming on her breaks she skidded off to the corner, practically smashing her car into the side of the bridge. She didnt care, getting out she ran over to the side. Standing a few feet away from him she looked at him. He was sick, she knew this. But he looked bad. Pilot.....please was all she said as she held out her hand. She wasnt sure if he was going to listen to her, but she had a feeling he was giong to explode.

Please come down. Dont do this. I love you she felt her voice shaking. She was terrified. She couldnt loose him now. She was the reason she stayed sober, the reason she hadnt even LOOKED at another man in weeks. If he jumped, she jumped. As he stood near the edge she felt her stomach twist and turn. This was all her fault, maybe she needed to go away. For good this time. It would be better for Pilot, her family and maybe even herself. She knew that leaving might put him in the downward spiral again so she didnt even mention it.

---

ATTIRE

PILOT

[PILOT URI FERGUSON]

Hands firm on the cold railing, he could feel the goosebumps rising up on his arms. He was looking over the edge. All he had to do was swing his legs over and jump. That simple. But he remained rooted in his spot, not wanting to move. Suicide was the easy way out and when did he ever take the easy way out of anything? He was always confrontational. He never had that problem of running away like Angelina did. He knew how to face his problems head on and not keep his mouth shut no matter what. Hearing her voice, he kept his eyes on the water as he spoke, "So you slept with him," he said this with a shaky voice, mostly from the cold than his own nerves, "I thought we got over this," he finally forced himself to look over at her but then he was looking right back down at the water, "I'm not a coward. I'm not gonna jump."

Was it strange he could see himself floating in the river below, see the police come and find his body, identify it, and finally say the last Ferguson with meaning was gone from this world? Probably, "I love you," he stated simply, turning to face her a bit but his hands remaining on the railing, "but I'm getting worse," he was serious, the torture visible in his eyes. It was an inner struggle that seemed to only come out when Angelina was around. It went deeper than his love for her. It went deeper than his parents, his upbringing, his life in general. This was something he just recently acknowledged since he'd gotten sick. His inner demons wanted to eat him alive and he had to deal with it on his own, "I have to go away for a while."

He knew it wasn't what she wanted to hear. It was what no one wanted to hear, "Just until I get my head on straight...So I can be right for you...because this isn't working," he closed his eyes tightly, bracing for the wind that blew from the river's current, "Me being sick isn't working for anyone. I'll come back to you, I promise," his voice was quieter, weaker. And anyone who knew Pilot knew that he never went back on his promises. His word was all he had. He couldn't ever go back on it, it was lesson number one from his grandparents, "You just have to trust me on this one," he was tired. She had to trust him or he wouldn't be able to do this. In a way, it was a test to see if she would be willing to wait for him to be ready and on the other hand, it was a chance for them to get their own lives together before jumping in to each other's. This would be good for them and he promised he'd come back to her. After all, she was the only female who ever held any kind of meaning to him. There was no way he'd let her go so easily unless he knew she would be his in the end.

---

ANGELINA

[ANGELINA MAE DAVIDSON]

What the hell had she done.

This was all her fault.

No matter how many times she told herself things were getting better,

they werent.

As he spoke and mentioned sleeping with Shane she felt her heart and stomach drop, as well as her eyes burn with hate, tears and pain. She closed them, hard, and when she opened them she finally looked up at him. And this time he was looking back. Pilot. I slept with him before I even considered talking to you again She stated simply. We are over all this She added in shaking her head. Not moving forward, she wanted to hug him, but remained inher spot.

She was terrified that if she moved the gust of wind would knock him down and he would be gone, forever. Pilot, please. she wanted him to come down. She didnt care if they talked, she didnt care if they broke whatever they had off, she didnt want him up there. BUt in reality, she did care. She was loosing him, slowly but surely.

As he spoke of leaving, she opened her mouth to reject, but looked away. This is all my fault. she turned facing the west. Looking at him she had tears in her eyes, more definite now. And dont you DARE try and say it isnt. You and I both know this is all my fault. she looked down and hugged herself. She mumbled I shouldve just asked the doctors to end my life as well as the babies she said shaking a bit from the cold and being upset. If you have to go, go. she said simply. She knew that in time she would wait, but she was scared. Scared that he would forget her, scared that he would find someone who loved him.

Someone who wouldnt run away like a coward, like her.

---

ATTIRE

PILOT

[PILOT URI FERGUSON]

His eyes wavered on her slender frame, how short she cut her hair, how beautiful she looked even when she was crying. Without hesitating, he closed the gap between them, her words hanging heavily on his thin shoulders. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and pulled her into a hug, planting a weak yet obviously meaningful kiss into her now short hair, "Don't talk like that," his voice was quiet as he spoke into her ear, not letting her go, "You know...you've always been the one. It didn't matter who I was with, I dropped them in an instant if I knew I had a shot at even being a fling for you," he nuzzled the crook of her neck a bit, "You're intoxicating in the most purest and breathtaking of forms and a life without you is no life at all-with every single good and bad part of you included," he pulled away a bit to look her straight in the eyes, brushing her tears away, "I just can't let you see me like this..." he bit his lower lip, "I have my own demons I need to fight off myself. I don't want you to see me this weak and pathetic. When I come back, I'll be perfect for you," he let his forehead fall forward and gently touch her's, "I'll come back to you and only you, Linda Lina," he placed a soft kiss on her lips before pulling away.

This was the right thing to do. Get clean, get fixed, get healthy, be the strong man she needed not this pathetic excuse of one. She needed someone to protect her, make her feel secure, love her unconditionally and that would accept her for all her faults included. Though he accepted her fully, he just...he wasn't all those other things because he was sick. He couldn't satisfy her if he wasn't up to par-up to those perilously high standards she seemed to set before him. He would help them both get better again. So he started walking a bit, still facing her and letting a faint smile fall on his face, "Before you know it, we'll be on that date of ours," he chuckled, raising his voice a bit so she could hear him, his hands deep in his pockets as his own inner thoughts struggled to surface, "I love you...and try not to marry superman while I'm away," another chuckle-always trying to end everything on a lighter note.

Then he turned around completely and kept walking. He knew what he was doing and everything would be fine the second he came back. This was his last resort. He'd make it happen. He knew he could. He was Pilot Ferguson-practically a miracle worker.

---

ANGELINA

[ANGELINA MAE DAVIDSON]

No matter what he said, or did, she knew it was her fault.

"Pilot, I am sorry. Im sorry for everything. Im sorry Im too much of a fuck up to even help you get better" She looked away from him. Not being able to look in his eyes, it was too hard right now. As he walked closer to her she felt herself being whisked into a tight hug and she let it out. Her crying, the hyperventilation. But as soon as he spoke again, she stopped. As he spoke of always knowing she was the one she felt her stomach drop, once again. "Pilot, Im sorry I couldnt be what you needed right now" she knew that he was going to get mad at her for saying all these things, but it was true.

She was guilty, depressed, moody and guilty. She knew that if she had never even came back from the first rehab trip, none of this wouldve happened. She felt herself turning away a bit, but stayed wrapped in his arms. The sweet smell of his cologne made her feel safe, right where she belonged. "You couldve chosen anyone" she said looking up at him, as his hands ran over her face and dried her eyes.

As he told her that he was going to come back, better, and to her and only her she let out a chuckle and pulled away. She backed up, hugging her arms to herself as she looked down at the road, as if it was going to help her think of something to say to make him stay, and not leave. "Promise me." was all she said. The next time she looked up, he was walking. Away. Fading into the distance. She suddenly felt horrible, she couldnt just let him leave like that.

She felt her legs moving underneath her, and soon enough she found herself rnning to catch up with him. The cold air hit her face and added more tears to the ones she had let stream down her face. "Pilot!" she practically whispered his voice as she reached him. When he turned around she wrapped her arms around him and connected her lips with his. She loved him, oh so damn much.

---

ATTIRE

PILOT