Post by JUDITH CONSTANCE BARTHOLOMEW on Dec 5, 2010 19:31:55 GMT -5
JUDITH CONSTANCE BARTHOLOMEW
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JUDE , EIGHTEEN , NYU STUDENT , BOGIE
Dear Pastor John,
I heard about you and Mrs. Ackerman getting a divorce and I extend my condolences. It isn't easy getting separated from the one you love but I heard you found someone new. I'm glad you are letting the Lord pick your soul mate this time around and I hope she is everything you could ever dream of. You know, the Lord is great like that and he works in the strangest of ways. But at this time, I'm in need of much spiritual guidance. I think I have committed a grave sin in His eyes and though I believe He was the one to tell me to do it, I can't help but feel this horrible guilt that it was all for nothing.
As you may already know, David and his family have been growing through a rough patch. His father recently lost his job on Wall Street and his mother is going through menopause and that is enough to put any family on edge. What, obviously, has been the biggest problem has been when David's father found male pornography under David's mattress. Now, I know it sounds bad, but hear me out. This happened only half a year ago and since then, we have been taking the necessary steps the Lord has placed before us in order to solve his problem, as he calls it. He confided in me, before his parents found his pornography, that he thought he was gay. He felt so horrible, I could see it on his face, and I refused to pass any judgment. How different would I be from the sinners of the world if I were to do such a thing? We had been together for three blissful years and he told me himself that he loved me time and time again which was why he wanted to get rid of these feelings.
So he told me what the Lord told him I should do to fix this problem. Remember my long, blond hair all the moms loved to braid and the women at the salon would praise for the patience the Lord gave me to keep it as long as it was? Well, He's spoken to David and said that it was time to let go of the past. I cut my hair so short, I don't even need to brush it anymore. I will admit I feel a bit naked without my hair but just as the Lord is working with you, he is working with David and I.
But this is not why I have written this letter to you, Pastor John. No, it has nothing to do with my hair or my change in clothing or why I chose New York University instead of attending Columbia as I have always dreamed. This has to do with David and Pastor? We have committed a great sin. We have always been told fornication is wrong unless between a married couple under the eyes of the Lord. It was the only way, I swear by it, for David to finally let go of his baggage and become holy again. He hasn't even woken up in a cold sweat anymore and I never catch him out of the corner of my eye looking at another attractive male in such a sexual manner. I don't even feel the tension anymore! It worked...but at a very dear price.
Do you think the Lord could restore my virginity? I mean, if you think about it, I highly doubt Mary was a virgin but she probably lied to make the story more believable. I'm sorry, God forgive me. No, Mary was a virgin. I am simply having doubts is all. It is just that I gave up so much...and feel like I have gained so little. Going to Columbia to become a heart surgeon was my dream. It was what I worked toward my entire life and I can't help but feel frustrated, as wrong as it may seem. I always wanted to be successful and David and I always planned to be together but I have to be there in his time of need...Weren't you the one who said God gave you a vision and in that vision you saw David and I at the alter and you bringing us together in holy matrimony?
And if all of this was suppose to make David better...
why do I feel so...horrible?
Write back as soon as you can, please? And tell my mother I said hello. I've been too ashamed to return her phone calls.
God Bless.
- Judith C. Bartholomew
